After a unanimous vote at Wednesday night’s annual gathering of Edinburgh estate agents in the Balmoral Hotels’ Presidential Suite it has been decided that all Edinburgh estate agents will continue to wear masks.

“We have always worn masks to some degree but more in the metaphorical sense” gesticulated Robin B’Stard of Dick, Turpin & Turpin’s estate agency.

“Now that masks have gone mainstream we have decided the time is right to bring our metaphorical masks into the real world. All we are doing really doing is cutting two holes out and pushing our masks up a bit. What do you think?” He asks as he slips one on.

“It looks ok as far as masks go. It does exude power but at the same time it’s not too scary.” I reply .

“Yeah, we have been working with top Edinburgh designer Anton LaVey who has come up with this rather fetching design. We didn’t want anything too sinister. It gives off the perfect wolf in sheep’s clothing kind of vibe without inducing too much fear don’t you think? We don’t want to scare off our targets, sorry, clients. I meant clients” he chortles nervously.

“You’ll leave that bit out? Off the record so to speak?” he pleads.

“Of course” I reply.


“So what would you say to a professional couple who can’t afford to buy a place because the high cost of renting in the city is eating up all their money meaning they can’t save a deposit to buy an extortionately over-priced Edinburgh property’ I ask B’Stard.

“I would say ‘I hear Troon is nice’ ” he cackles as he puts on his mask and walks off back into the party in the Balmoral Hotel stopping briefly to show a homeless man a huge wad of cash.

Should estate agents be the only ones in Edinburgh to wear masks? Have your say. Join the debate. Leave a comment.

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